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A Year Ago Tonight...

... Momma left.  It doesn't feel like it's been a whole year.  I miss her-- the Mom I knew so well up until six or seven years ago but just occasionally recognized since then.  In some sense, I even miss her as she was since then, because I could at least touch her and imagine her as she was.  Now I can just imagine.  When I do, when I really try to imagine her as she was, the memory is so familiar and close by, like she's still present. She could be such pleasant company, so fun, and silly.  Of course I can remember the things about me that drove her crazy and the things about her that drove me crazy--- but why bother when there is so MUCH that was positive?

If there were a way to communicate with her tonight, I would say:  I love you so much, Momma, and I miss you.  I haven't forgotten the wisdom you shared with me or the love you poured into me, but I'm so happy that my precious Daddy has you back now.  The bluebonnets are blooming here, and although there are ZERO bluebonnets in my Texas garden, the crushed granite pathway I made around it in your memory is dotted with many tall ones.   There are two layers of weed barrier under that crushed granite, so I'd like to know how you managed it... not that you actually had anything to do with that.  Yet, if you did, it wouldn't surprise me.

I can't communicate with her.  But that's what I'd say if I could.  'Course, I CAN communicate with the one who is dearest to her, and He can pass it on... OR not.


Orphaned at 61

I feel like "Little Orphan Cannie".

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This entry is a paste from:
Does anyone else have a problem with telephones? - ADDer World ADD ADHD Online Network Community

I don't know if this is an ADHD "thing" or not - but I hate telephones. Can't stand them. I love my smartphone, of course ... everything about it except the "phone" part. I don't like:

  • that people can interrupt what I'm doing without having any idea what I'm doing. If someone interrupts me in person, at least they can see that they are interrupting me... for example if they come to my office and I am in the middle of typing something, they understand that they need to wait until I finish my paragraph. A ringing phone has no such idea.
  • that when other people talk on the phone in my presence, I can only hear half of the conversation - drives me insane! My office building carries sound disturbingly well - I can hear half-conversations from everyone else's office. Why don't people close their doors when they are on the phone?! (I know, in a cube farm or many other work situations that is totally not an option, but in my workspace it is and they still don't. Argh!)
  • that there is one thing worse than hearing half of a conversation that is none of my business - hearing the whole thing! Why on earth would anyone use speakerphone in a public place for a private conversation?
  • that many people get upset if they call and you don't answer, when they "know you are there." For example, if I have a live, face-to-face human being in my office and we are having a conversation, I will not answer a ringing phone. I will let it go to voicemail. But often the voicemail messages I get start off something like "Mrs. R, I know you are there, not sure why you aren't answering but ... " 
  • that on the other side of that same coin, some people are "compelled" to answer their phone whenever it rings. So if I'm in my bosses office (he can NOT stand to let a phone ring) and we are talking about a work issue, and his phone rings, I have to deal with that awkward feeling while he answers it. Should I wait? Leave discreetly without saying anything? Say something about leaving, like "I'll come back later" and interrupt the conversation he is having now? Ugh, I never know!
  • and some people LOVE the phone. I have a friend, one that I truly love and really enjoy talking to in person, who I no longer will answer calls from. Because even if she calls to say "let's meet at the coffee shop at 10," I will not be able to get out of the conversation for at least half an hour. By the time she is done chatting, she will have told me everything that we would probably have discussed at the coffee shop anyways! 

Yesterday and the day before I took Level Two of NPSOT's "Native Landscape Certification Program" down at the San Antonio River Authority headquarters (on Guenther St.).  The material this Level covered was not all that inspiring, but NPSOT sees it as necessary.  It was a lot of legal stuff like ordinances and restrictions--- practical stuff for someone who would like to have a landscaping business or for the attendees who work for SARA.  There were some things that were relevant for a homeowner, but it was mainly legal requirements and so on.  The speaker all day Saturday was Mark Bird, the city's chief Arborist.  He was easy to listen to.  He reminded me of one of those Skyrocket Junipers--- he was probably about 6'5" and lean... and very excited about his profession.  Lucky guy.

We also spent a couple of hours learning to I.D. 40 more native plants.  That's my favorite part!  And I aced the plant I.D. test on Sunday at the end of the Plant Walk portion of the course.  This time we did that part at Hardberger Park (east).  SPEAKING OF WHICH... I'm so proud of my city's park system.  They have accomplished SO much in such a short amount of time it seems.  Their goal is to link all the creeks which feed into the San Antonio River on its way to San Antonio Bay BY MEANS OF WALKING/BIKING TRAILS.  They are at least half-way complete with many portions already open and functioning--- it's just plain wonderful.  It's a shame that some people aren't even aware of them because they're so caught up in work-related stuff.  Once they retire, they'll be too exhausted and out of shape to even go for a walk on one of the creekways.  See Greenway Trails.

I hope NPSOT gets Levels 3 & 4 formed and off the ground more quickly than they did Level 2.  (Level 1 was in April 2010, Level 2 in 2012.)

Yea! No more Zolpidem

I'm Ambien/Zolpidem-free!  And I had ZERO withdrawal effects!

However, at midnight I'm taking .2 mg clonidine instead.  A hypertensive.  Not FOR high blood pressure (don't have that!), but to just get myself to wind down and think about bedtime.

Sleep.  It's such a waste of time.


I made a kite, and it flew!

I think I tried to make a kite only once when I was a kid.  I wonder if every kid growing up in the 50s and 60s did that.  All I remember about it is that it was shaped like a diamond, for spars it had sticks that were from a tree branch, the sail was made of newspaper, and it didn't fly. 

Well, I decided to try again.  About 48 years later.  And guess what?  It flew.  It flew like it had a mind of its own that was intent on flying.  It was fluttering to me as it went up, "Let go of my tail--- I want to FLYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyy!!!"


I was amazed: something I made with my own hands actually worked right.  Really, success felt so refreshing and unfamiliar.  As fast as I would let out line, it would fly higher.  At one point, there was a lull in the wind, and it started sinking.  I started reeling it in because it sure looked far away, perhaps even over the second-story roof of the church that I was flying it next to, and if it kept sinking, it was going to land ON the roof------ klunk.  It did.  Wow, it had gotten up much higher than I'd thought!  A few tugs brought it close to the edge of the roof, and then it got stuck.  It was twilight and kind of hard to see detail, but I moved closer and saw that a gutter ran along the edge of the roof.  "Oh great."  The tip of a spar was wedged in the gap between the gutter and the roof.  "Father, pleeeeease.  Give me back my kite.  I made it myself [as if I were informing Him] and it actually flew; please don't let the church have it."

The wind wasn't as strong as it had been, but every once in awhile it would gust a bit, so I decided to be patient and see if the wind would just shift its position enough for me to give it a tug and let it take flight again.  About 10 minutes went by, and I asked again--- "Father, you don't want my kite; it's awfully primitive.  There's not even a picture on it or decorations of any kind, except for the different colors of electrical tape I used on the spars."  I walked an arc around it in case the angle of the tugs would make a difference.  "And what good is it to a church building?"  A little gust moved it enough to come loose from however it was stuck, and it took off, almost straight up.  I let it fly a little bit more and then reeled it all the way in.  I was so happy to get my hands on that kite again.  I thought I'd lost it for sure.

It's hanging on the door latch across the room where I can admire it and it won't get into trouble.  The sail is made of lavender tissue paper that was all wadded up inside a birthday or Christmas package at one time.  You wouldn't think such a fragile thing could've survived a flight like that.  I think I should take a picture of it for posterity...

ADD guide to Desision-Making & Hyper-focus


1. Keep your research ("hunt") appropriate to the size of your decision.  Don't spend the same amount of time on small and large decisions.  Perfectionism, wanting to cover ALL the bases no matter their size, causes you to complicate everything.

2. Reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed in decision-making by limiting the input.  Limit the number of options to consider before you decide.  Identify the most important factor in the decision and focus on that factor.

3. Use your own values as the basis of a decision, not what other people say.  This will make decision-making MUCH easier since you won't be trying to please everyone.


1.  Hyperfocus may be involuntary, BUT, it is almost always predictable!  Avoid hyperfocus activities at critical times, like 30 min. before leaving for work or going to bed.

2. Some ADDers are so intolerant of boredom that they look for stimulation-- from the computer, television, the internet.  (After all, complexity is never boring!)  Develop strategies to transition from hyperfocus.

Airedale-L Glossary

Typing Airedale
Airedale-L Text Logo

For veterans or those who are new to the list, here are the definitions of some words that are unique to Airedale-L.
Using these words in your graduate thesis or in a Scrabble game is not recommended!

AIREHEAD A not-so-bright Airedale or more commonly, an Airedale that is trying to make you believe that they don't understand something they don't want to do.
AIRE POLLUTION What is created when an Airedale passes gas.
AIRESINGALONG One Airedale begins to warble, whine, howl, gargle, and make other assorted noises, often during the customary 'whining hour'. Other Airedales in the household join in, resulting in strange and sometimes ethereal harmonies that put even the most avante garde of New Age Music to shame. Other times, though, the Airesingalong produces something more hideous even than rap music.
AIRESNAP A quick snap of the teeth, often used to signal the Humanbeans that the Airedale WANTS to play, and wants to NOW. The action is akin to catching of bugs in flight, but there is no bug. The Airedale attacks, and kills, mere air.
AIREWAVE The lifting of the foreleg as high as possible and held - an Airedale's greeting when you come home
BADBEDFLOP Some Airedales, when told they have been 'bad' and that they must 'Go to Bed' will flounce dramatically to the appointed spot, and throw themselves dowh with a loud FLOP, usually followed by an AireGlare and a PITIFULMESIGH and a POORMISERABLESADME expression, which has been crafted to arouse sympathy and guilt in the aforementioned human.
BADBEDPLOP Same as a BADBEDFLOP only louder.
BARKFROMHISTOES A very enthusiastic bark which eminates from the entire dog, toes to nose. THis bark can only be accomplished when the Airedale is in a state of high alertness, standing on TIPTOE with tail held high
BEARDSLIME Slimy material found in an Airedale's beard. Most Airedale owners prefer not to know what the BEARDSLIME is composed of.
BEARDSLOSH The act of releasing the liquid that seems to stay in an Airedale's beard until they manage to touch you or the furniture, instantly releasing a pint of water and BEARDSLIME.
BIGCROTCHPOKE A BIGNOSEPOKE carefully aimed at a human's crotch, assuring the victim's undivided attention.
BIGCROTCHSNAP An Airedale snapping the jaws shut near a human's crotch. This usually gets the human's attention.
BIGNOSEPOKE A nose driven hard into someone by an Airedale. BIGNOSEPOKES can leave bruises anywhere they land. The most devastating example is the BIGCROTCHPOKE.
BIGPAWDEMAND An insistent demand made by an Airedale, punctuated by pawing.
BIGPAWSLAP Similar to a BIGPAWDEMAND, but the person is slapped by the Airedale's paw.
BIGSIGH A long, breathy sigh by an Airedale, usually when relaxed. This is noticeably different than a PITIFULMESIGH.
BODYSLAM An Airedale running into a human, dog or other object using it's entire body weight for maximum impact.
BUTTWOBBLEPOKE A BIGNOSEPOKE aimed precisely at the part of the gluteal area which is padded in such a way that the fatty tissue wobbles obviously. This specialized BIGNOSEPOKE is most effective when used on female humans, who might ignore a quickcrotchsnap.
COLDNOSEWHOOPIES A favorite joke that Airedales play on humans. Step one is to get their nose as cold as possible by licking it outside when it is below freezing causing a sheet of ice to form on the nose, or just by plowing nose first through the snow. Step two is delivering a BIGNOSEPOKE with their icy nose, preferably from behind, just after the human exits the shower.
COUNTERSURFING That art of placing the front paws on a counter or table and nosing, licking and sniffing through everything that can be reached.
COUNTERTOPLEAPANDGRAB While COUNTERSURFING, the Airedale jumps to extend their reach, enabling them to remove objects from the back of the counter.
DESTRUCTOMANIA Leave a bored Airedale alone with anything you value, and you will see what this means. One Airedale ate the tailgate of a Subaru in only 5 minutes. Airedale puppies have been know to eat through drywall to escape being confined in a room.
EXTRAGENTLE A rarely seen Airedale ability. Airedales have the ability to pick up very fragile items without damaging them, if they choose. If they choose otherwise, you have DESTRUCTOMANIA.
FARTBUTT If you have to ask, explaining it won't help. Just give your Airedale some raw brocolli and refried beans for dinner. You should witness FARTBUTT shortly thereafter. FARTBUTT is a major source of AIRE POLLUTION.
FOODFACEWIPE Immediately after eating, many Airedales like to wipe their face. Favorite places to wipe the face include, furniture, clothing (only if being worn by someone), draperies, carpeting and walls.
FOODHOUNDSHUFFLE This is what Airedales do when looking for crumbs on the floor. They sniff loudly and with such determination that the whiskers sweep up not only crumbs but dust moozies, lint, and small toys. In order to keep the nose at the appropriate distance from the floor, and to search efficiently, the Airedale adopts a shuffling gait.
FUZZYSNUFFLES Affectionately nuzzling a human while inhaling. If done on the head it feels as if they are inhaling most of your hair.
GROWFING Quick, nearly voiceless barks or brief barklike growls, usually accompanied by impatient movements of the head and forelegs. This sound signals that the dog is disgruntled about something such as the human not meeting some need such as play, food, cookies, or walkies upon first request.
GROWFANDMUTTERS Growfing accompanied by canine muttering. Though it has not been proven, it is theorized that the muttering is actually a string of Airedale curse words.
HAIRYDOGHUG A hug by an Airedale standing on hind legs, embracing the entire body. Best done when the Human is dressed formally. Preferably dressed in white. The Airedale enjoys this most if they have a beard and paws drenched in mud.
HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT An extremely painful HEADBUTT where the Airedale's head is applied forcefully to a human's nose.
HEADBUTT The act of forcefully applying an Airedale head to some portion of the human anatomy. Favorite targets are heads, and knees (KNEEBASHER). If applied to a human's nose it becomes a HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT. Airedale heads are hard enough to cut diamonds, so HEADBUTTS are not to be taken lightly!
HEADDOWNHELLNO A gesture used when the Airedale adamantly refuses to follow a request by a human. The head drops below the level of the shoulders, exposing the armored cranium, which is invulnerable to any force known to man. During a HEADDOWNHELLNO, the Airedale will not move or respond in any way, nor will it look the human in the eye.
HYPERDRIVE A sudden burst of energy. An Airedale in HYPERDRIVE may do a TUCKBUTTRUN or simply run around the room touching only the walls.
JAWSOFDEATH Refers to an Airedale's ability to lock down their jaws with the force of a bear trap, on any object that is important to them. Usually used on favorite toys, dirty Kleenex, anything obtained by COUNTERSURFING and other equally valuable items.
KNEEBASHER A HEADBUTT applied to a human's knee.
KNEEBUCKLE A method by which even a small Airedale can knock a large person to the ground. This is accomplished by running into the back of both knees, causing the knees to collapse, thus depositing the victim on the ground. An Airedale in HYPERDRIVE may deliver a HARDHEADTONOSEBUTT before the victim can recover.
LITTLEPAWSLAP Pretty much the same as a BIGPAWSLAP, but the slapper must be a small puppy. Note that the needles they come equipped with as toenails, are as sharp as those of a tiger.
MULTIDALEMANIA The insane belief that it is possible to maintain a "normal" household after adding a third (or post-third) Airedale.
MIGHTYHEADBUTT Same as a HEADBUTT but delivered vigorously by a large Airedale.
MINEMOO A mooing sound made by an Airedale, holding a favorite toy, when you try to remove the toy from it's beartrap-like jaws. See JAWSOFDEATH.
MUZZLEWRESTLE A game played by two Airedales, where they lay on the floor or ground and wrestle using only their muzzles.
NOSEINCROTCH A gentle warning that an Airedale gives by nuzzling a human's crotch. If ignored it can lead to a BIGCROTCHPOKE.
NOSEART Drawings made on glass by Airedale Terriers. They do this by drawing with their moist noses then adding texture with their beards.
NOSEPOKE The act of poking an Airedale's big black nose into an object, usually a human. Airedales can do this from birth. After growing to more than 20 pounds, they are capable of administering a BIGNOSEPOKE.
PANDEMONING The act of creating pandemonium. Airedales can do this with more ease than any other animal, other than middle school children in groups.
PITIFULMESIGH A great, long, breathy sigh by an Airedale that feels it has been wronged by a human. Cleaning the Airedale's ears, giving it a bath, or refusing to share your ribeye steak can cause an Airedale to give a PITIFULMESIGH.
PLAYDEMAND Insistent request that the Human play with the Airedale. A PLAYDEMAND takes many forms. Some Airedales use varying degrees of PAWSLAPS. Some GROWF, some sneeze and bark. None of them give up until the human gives in.
PLURALDALEMANIA The insane belief that it is possible to maintain a "normal" household after adding a second Airedale.
POORMISERABLESADME The expression on an Airedale's face when making a PITIFULMESIGH.
POWERFULPAWSLAP Same as BIGPAWSLAP but delivered more vigorously.
PUPKUS ????????
QUICKCOUNTERGRAB The act of an Airedale quickly grabbing something off of a counter.
QUICKCROTCHSNAP An Airedale suddenly and unexpectedly snapping the jaws shut near a human's crotch. Guaranteed to get the human's attention and may even cause them to go into HYPERDRIVE, like an Airedale.
REARENDWAG Wagging the tail so hard that the entire rear end wags.
REARINYOURFACE Airedales do not 'say' "IN YOUR FACE", they act it out.
SANDPAPERKISSES Hard, pesistent kisses from an Airedale, allowing the human to feel the coarse texture of the Airedale tongue.
SLEIGHTOFMOUTH How an Airedale manages to steal things you thought were unreachable.
SMARTMEHIGHSTEP The prancing gait of an Airedale that is exceptionally proud of themself. Usually seen immediately after a SLIGHTOFMOUTH, BIGNOSEPOKE, or QUICKCOUNTERGRAB.
TEDDY PRINCIPLE The theory, supported by a great deal of research, that Airedales will misbehave as soon as you say that they won't.
TERRIERISTS People who are deranged enough to choose to share their homes with Terriers, dogs that are said to be stubborn, cantankerous, contemptious, untrainable, incorrigible, and suffer from Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Terrierists, strangely, choose these dogs, so they must get some satisfaction from their dysfunctionality.
TFAOP The Finest Animal on the Planet. The Airedale Terrier, of course!
TRYANDTAKEIT A challenge issued by an Airedale that is wishing to prove once again that the Jaws of Death RULE. WHen a TRYANDTAKEIT is used, the Airedale will not give up the given object until the human decides it does not want the object after all. Even if this takes days, the Airedale will NOT lose face by putting the object down. Airedales have been known to become weak from hunger before giving up on a TRYANDTAKEIT.
TUCKBUTTRUN The act of running with the hindquarters tucked down as close to the ground as possible. This is usually done by an Airedale that is very excited or in HYPERDRIVE.
TWIRLYBIRDTAIL A form of tail wagging that is practiced by some Airedales. TWIRLYBIRDTAIL is the act of spinning the tail in a circular motion, instead of the standard back and forth motion.
WETBEARDCRUD A solid substance found in an Airedale's beard. WETBEARDCRUD is dried WETBEARDSLIME
WETBEARDSLIME The moist, slimy material found in an Airedale's beard.
WETBEARDSLURP A kiss delivered by an Airedale with a wet beard. They like to do this immediately after drinking.
WHOLEBODYWIGGLE The act of wagging the tail with such enthusiasm, that the entire body wags with the tail.
YOUDONTMEANMELOOK The expression of complete innocence on an Airedale's face when accused of COUNTERSURFING or DESTRUCTOMANIA.
Thanks to Karl Broom, Pat Bennett, and Gena Welch for their assistance in compiling this list.

Do you have suggestions, corrections or comments on this page? P

Airedale-L Glossary

Happy 2012!

This is downright pitiful.  This is my first journal entry since August.  Frankly, there hasn't been a whole lot to write about, but even when something important to me did happen, I neglected to write it here.

My worst enemy, outside of myself (that old *saying is true sometimes), is TIME.  Each year older I get, time seems to speed up.  When I was 10, a year--- say, from Christmas to Christmas--- seemed like 5 years... or at least, a VERY LO-O-O-O-NG time.  When I was 20, it seemed more like 2 years.  By 30, it seemed about right, you know?  It seemed as long as a year ought to seem.  By 40, time was moving faster, and a year felt only like 10 or 11 months.  By 50, about 9 months.  And now, honestly, I'd say a year ago feels like only 7 months have gone by.  Which makes May 26, 2011 (the day my inner ear infection showed up) seem like only 4 months ago.  It's real strange how this happens.  Every 40+ year-old person I've ever spoken to about the passage of time says the same thing.

I guess this means that if I live to be 80, it will only seem like 13.4 years from now.  THAT is scary. 

"Happy 2012, me."  Why do I think of these things?!

* "We have met the enemy, and it is us."